Well, first and foremost, I've been alright. Things are worse and better in their own respective ways. I'm dealing with my baggage better, and the daily exercise routine I'm finally forcing myself back into REALLY helps. I've got a grappling tournament I'm eyeing in two months that looks good. I am hopeful for the upcoming months.

Now, what's on my mind.

Tonight at work, a baby died. I did everything I could to save him, I dispatched and had patrols there in two minutes, an emt in nine, ambulances in twelve. I don't feel responsible or sad, in fact, honesly I didn't even really care. It was work, ya know? I did things as best as I could, but it wasn't personal. After he was announced dead, and everyone else was so upset, it started to get to me. I still didn't really care, but their emotions were almost rubbing off on me. It wasn't until I was walking to my car that I thought about it, you know, what if that had been Melora? I don't have children, so I never thought of it like that. But what if that had been the closest thing I have? I realized just how painful that could be. It really hit home.

I can't imagine the pain and the loss they feel. I know there's nothing that could be done, but now I understand the look in SSgt Johnson's eyes. When even your best isn't good enough, when you can't save someone else from that pain... That's our whole job, to protect. To keep people safe, so they don't have to hurt, yet one of the few times we are needed we can't do anything. It seems so unfair to us, but moreso the family.

R.I.P. Isacc Sprinkles (No shit, that's his last name, sounds like a joke) March 19 2009-May 24, 2009